30 Best Man Speech Jokes That Will Leave Everyone Laugh

Last updated Jun 15, 2023

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Being chosen as the best man is a great honor, but it also comes with a big responsibility – delivering an unforgettable speech. Injecting humor into your best man speech is a surefire way to captivate the audience and create a joyful atmosphere. In this post, we’ve compiled a list of 30 best man speech jokes that will have everyone laughing. So, let’s dive in and discover the secrets to delivering a side-splitting speech that will be remembered for years to come.

30 Funny Opening Lines for Wedding Speeches

“Gosh, what an emotional day it’s been. Even the cake is in tiers!”
“Hi everyone! I’m [Name] and it’s time for me to give the speech I frantically scribbled down 15 minutes ago!”
“The couple have requested that I don’t share any embarrassing stories… so that’s it from me! Thanks for listening!”
“[Name], I love you so much, and I really hope you’ll feel the same about me after you hear my speech.”
“I just want to start by congratulating [previous speaker’s Name] on their wonderful speech. I always knew it would be hard to follow and I was right, I couldn’t follow a word of it.”
“The couple actually had a bit of trouble finding someone to make a speech today. They started by asking their funniest friend, and they said no. Then they asked their most charming friend, and they said no. After that, they asked their best-looking friend and, again, they said no. Then they asked me, and, after already turning them down three times, I couldn’t refuse again.”
“All of us gathered together in this room, we’ve got something really important in common – none of us have got a clue what I’m going to say next!”
“I was told that the secret to a good speech is to start with something that’s relevant to everyone in the audience. So here it goes – all of your cars have been stolen.”
“I want to start by saying that, of all the weddings I’ve attended over the years, this one is, by far, the most recent.”
“I’d like to start by congratulating [Name] on their excellent taste… in speakers.”
“Before we start, can everybody do me a favour and get up off their seats? Now can everyone take one step backward, please? Now can everyone move one step to the right? And now can everyone move one step left? Thank you. Someone told me that the key to giving a good speech was to move people, but I think they must have been having me on, because this is going terribly!”
“I’m so happy to be overseeing the only five minutes of today that [bride or groom’s Name] didn’t plan. Only joking, they went over my speech with me at the bar half an hour ago. [Pulls extra page out of pocket] But I did manage to hide one page!”
Guys, before I start, just some housekeeping notes, the venue has asked that you don’t stand on any of the chairs and tables for my standing ovation.”
I sincerely hope that each day of [Insert names] marriage is better than the the one before, the only thing is that also means they’ll look back on today, their wedding day, and say that it was the worst day of their lives.
I’ve been worried about giving this speech for a while now. You’ll be glad to hear, that last night I slept like a baby. I woke up every two hours, bawling my eyes out.
“Ladies and gentlemen, today we witnessed a unique event in history – it’s the first and presumably last time anyone has trusted me to give a speech!”
“[Name] and I share the same sense of humour, so if you don’t like my jokes, you can blame them!”
“Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to celebrate something truly magical. Something so rare and fortuitous and wonderful that it simply must be celebrated. I am, of course, talking about the open bar/donut wall/photo booth/[Name] wearing a tie .”
“Where do I start with [Name]? They’re kind, intelligent, gorgeous, charming… [directed at them] sorry, I’m having trouble reading your writing, you’ll have to tell me the rest later.”
“I think we can all agree that it’s been a fantastic day. But unfortunately that ends right here with my speech.”
“Loyal. Kind. Honest. Generous… That’s enough about me, I’m here to talk about [Name]!”
“I’d like to begin my speech by giving the happy couple some relationship advice, but unfortunately I’m single and spend most of my time trying to coax my cat into little outfits/browsing Doctor Who fan sites/playing Rock Paper Scissors with Alexa.”
“A few months ago, [Name] called me up and asked, ‘What are your feelings on marriage?’ I had to tell them that, while I was very flattered, I wasn’t ready to settle down just yet.”
“Can everyone hear me OK? If you can’t hear me in the back, the silence from the people at the front should reassure you that you’re not missing anything.”
“Hello everyone! I’m [Name]. I’m sure you all know me as (Name’s best friend/sister/mum/dad), but if you don’t, well done on sneaking into the wedding unnoticed!”
“Before I begin, I must explain that, this morning, [Name] asked me to remove anything resembling innuendo from my speech. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to go through it again, but if I come across anything risqué, I’ll whip it out immediately.”
“[Name] knows that I’m a bit nervous about this speech, and they gave me some great advice. They said ‘Don’t try to be too charming, witty or intellectual… just be yourself!'”
Please keep clapping and cheering to a minimum. I’m terribly hungover. I know, you shouldn’t drink the night before a wedding, but I couldn’t very well let the groom/bride drink alone, could I?
Just some last messages here to read out: one from [NAME’S] football team for [PARTNER] “Apologies we couldn’t all be there today, good luck with [NAME], we found him/her to be useless in most positions, but wishing you all the best for tonight.”
Before I start ladies and gentlemen, let us observe a few moments of silence in memory of the 3,000 prawns, 250 chickens, and the many, many carnations, roses and wedding coordinators who selflessly gave their lives to make this wedding celebration possible.

How to Write Your Own Best Man Speech Jokes

Set the tone with a lighthearted opener:

A great way to start your speech is with a witty and light-hearted opener. For example, “Ladies and gentlemen, I have been given the honor of being the best man today. So, if my speech is terrible, please don’t blame the bride and groom – blame the open bar!”

Reflect on your friendship with the groom:

Take a trip down memory lane and share a humorous anecdote that showcases your friendship with the groom. For instance, “I remember when we were kids, and John would always convince me to do the craziest things. Little did I know that being the best man would be one of them!”

Tease the groom gently:

Lightly poking fun at the groom is a classic approach. Share a funny story that highlights his quirks or amusing habits. Remember to keep it lighthearted and avoid embarrassing or offensive jokes.

Compliment the bride:

A best man speech isn’t complete without acknowledging the bride. Incorporate a funny compliment that shows how lucky the groom is to have her. For example, “Samantha, you are stunning today, and I must say, John, you’ve truly outkicked your coverage!”

Include a playful jab at yourself:

Self-deprecating humor can be a great way to connect with the audience. Share a humorous story that involves you and the groom to lighten the mood. This will make your speech relatable and endearing.

FAQs:

How do I ensure my jokes are appropriate for the occasion?

It’s crucial to consider the audience and avoid jokes that may offend or embarrass anyone. Stick to light-hearted, good-natured humor that celebrates the couple’s love and friendship.

Can I use inside jokes in my best man speech?

While inside jokes can be entertaining for some, it’s best to avoid them. Remember, your speech should be inclusive and relatable to everyone in attendance.

How can I practice delivering my speech effectively?

Practice makes perfect! Rehearse your speech in front of a mirror or with a small group of friends to gauge their reactions. Pay attention to your timing, delivery, and body language to enhance the comedic impact.

Should I memorize my speech or use cue cards?

It’s advisable to have cue cards to ensure you don’t forget any important points. However, aim to strike a balance between preparedness and maintaining a conversational tone.

How long should my best man speech be?

Aim for a speech that lasts around 5-7 minutes. Keep in mind that it’s better to leave the audience wanting more rather than droning on for too long.

Conclusion:

Crafting a memorable best man speech requires careful consideration and a touch of humor. By incorporating these 30 best man speech jokes, you can ensure that your speech will be entertaining, engaging, and leave the audience in stitches. Remember to tailor the jokes to the couple’s personalities, keep it light-hearted, and focus on celebrating their love. With a well-executed speech, you’ll not only honor your friendship but also create a lasting memory for the newlyweds and all the guests in attendance. Cheers to a successful and laughter-filled best man speech!

Best Man Speech Jokes